how to hold a narcissist accountable

I have no problem supporting him to a degree that is part of a partnership but it has been VERY one sided. Do Narcissists Like To Be Held Accountable? And even more so, that he couldnt help me to get over it in any way, just in the contrary, he tried (and still tries) to belittle my concerns and even stir them up again and again to lower his own bad feelings about it. The childlike behavior I have described as an emotionally disturbed 5 year old, I know it sounds like I hate him. But really, I am just angry and hurt. 12 Ways to Break a Narcissist's Heart 1 Ignore their forms of manipulation. The kids are terrified of him due to the many dangerous situations he put them in (drIving drunk, putting an apple on their head and prentending to throw an apple at their heads, forgetting one of the kids when he would leave to go get more beer, exposing them to porn, girlfriends jewelry, etc., etc.). I will continue to work with the information provided by Kim and Steve in hopes that I might heal and not attract another person with NPD in the future. The only thing you can do, as I have see everyone noting, is that you just manipulate your surroundings to your sanity and survival. My ex of 12 years NPD and BPD has tried everything in his power to destroy me and our two girls. I say, A job is important, it will make you feel worthy; and it will also make me happy. I am tired of him doing that and am trying to set boundaries. How Do You Hold A Narcissist Accountable? Your idea may work but it may also be hard for you to make him carry through on when he gets home. I have been a believer and customer of yours for several years now. Its not worth it. Back From the Looking Glass may be important if he returns and the fighting starts again. With two dogs and two horses close to your job, so we could be together and just had lost my mother to cancer two weeks before. I know there is a grieving process. He is a deeply insecure person when it comes to intimacy. I know he will never agree to have his check deposited into my account. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. Take care Your suggestions would probably work with those who have narcissistic tendencies but not people who have malignant narcissism which is a very rare condition. If you are in the U.S., you can call 211 for a list of numbers for help. Real trust is earned and not given anyway and so no you shouldnt trust him yet, things need to be set up now so there is complete transparency. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. I lost my job (third timeIm in sales) and times have been rough the last 9 months or so. They have to be sane! Within Canon Law, if these essential qualities are lacking, the marriage can be looked on as invalid from the start, i.e. Its been over a year. Hi, I know I have the strength to give him more than I expect to get from him. 6 Treatment might include cognitive behavioral therapy, or medicine to help reduce mood. And we are a wealthy family! This is all past tense and yet in my head it feels like yesterday. The stress of this is hard and I have known him for a long time. Thanks Kim.Unfortunately in my sad little world at the age of 51 I dont have any access to money.I rely on my husband totally.I dont even have a bank acc.Unbelevable I know!I met him when I was 15 and never went onto study.I finished high school,did some courses and did work until I had my children.I was lucky to b a stay at home mom.I did work here and there and when the children left home I did have a job at an animal shelter.I left and went to care in the UK and that was absolutely diasasterous for my marriage.He had women in my home and lived the life of a bachelor.Since then I have not worked.I live in a small town and work is really hard to come by.Also I wld have to use his car which he constantly threatens me with.At my age I have no confidence because I am constantly told how thick and stupid I am.I do all my own housework,cooking and so forth.Also every job Ive had hes accused me of having affairs with someone.I dont want to come across as the victim here but thats how it is.My husband has his own business of which I know nothing abt because he says it has nothing to do with me.I have tried to push the issue and get involved but to no avail.So yes,I wld love to purchase ur books but sadly cant,thats why I go online and try and read all I can wherever.Thanks for your time. Perspective is all important and since a couple usually ends up living in the way the dominant partner prefers the other person can seem passive/ aggressive simply if they dont throw themselves into that lifestyle with the degree of enthusiasm the dominant person would like to see. I feel I am saving my life. I did go to counseling but he wouldnt go, after cancer treatment, diagnosis, physical abuse,life of pornography and affairs. I have learned to be a very calm person and have set up healthy and stern boundaries for myself. Id meant to say in that last sentence that id text him to say I was tired and hence grumpy that bubs wasnt sleeping.he told me to drink concrete and harden up it was my choice to have the baby, hed have had an abortion. Im not proud of it, but wanted to post in case this might resonate with others out there After truly saying goodbye the hero role, Narcissists dont hold the same interest anymore. I need to know how to respond or do I respond? Dear Kim, I have the book and the workbook and have been working on it. Im doing my best to deal with everything. - Listen to How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them by The Narcissists' Code instantly on your tablet, phone or . I had terrible abandonment issues from my childhood and bereavements and his scared child behaviour never helped. Hang in there Amy and you be careful to follow the steps in Back from the Looking Glass about leaving because it really can escalate the abuse. I made clinical decisions about consequences and my role became the enforcer of boundaries. I dont know how I managed to get out . I could write an encyclopedia too. We are loosing the ability to teach our children this concept, and it is affecting all of our adult lives. He never took me for treatments, he acted as if this was not his worry or fight. 7 Cut off all communication. Hi Renee and welcome! Just incase you are still not clear why I am ending this relationship and you are feeling sorry for yourself let me show you why. I came across this information 4 yrs. I think the boss may be annoyed with him now because he is always finding stuff wrong no one else does hence making others look bad, hes been given some questionable stuff to do that I actually wondered if the boss is setting him up for failure. Just last night he tried to manipulate me again into lending him more money by setting the stage thru being super sweet cooking and cleaning and then bamm, here he goes again. You cannot control his family if he is assualting you you need help from the police and Back From the Looking Glass will help you with that step by step. I tried and tried to reach her through her anger but the more I tried the more she saw me as someone that was to be looked down upon and treated me even worse. Stand up and say sorry I cant be with someone who does these things and get out of the relationship the first time it happens! When he calls me names I tell him I am sorry he feels that way because I think (something nice) about him and it takes the wind out of his sails. I have come to understand that there are some people that unless sacrafice is made, they may never know what true good in life they can have. I am becoming the woman I was when we met the one he hated. Thoughts anyone? I have to ask them what he says to them to unskrew the lies and manipulation put on them. Thanks Kim. The other problem we first had was that he thought that i was there to be angry at if he was upset about anything (even if it had nothing to do with me) I explained him immediately that i was not there for that reason. These times are probably gone forever. Narcissists are excellent crazy makers!! They want you to become irrational to have an excuse for their behavior. So conclusion I dont think its wise to ask them would they feel more comfortable getting help from somebody else to help with the situation as they see this as a threat and if they are truly narcissistic they dont think they need help with anything. He was able to respect them for several weeksthen quickly deteriorated to the same behaviors, but worse. - Listen to How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them by The Narcissists' Code instantly on your tablet, phone or . If my friend thought he didnt need me, he would be gone as fast I could get my next breath out. You need to write a clear account of his behaviour that is concerning you from the perspective of him as a patient. 2. As I am writing, I am sitting in a beautiful Hotel in California, at the end of a 4 day all expense trip he won. True, it is impossible without Gods help and others support! I do have two children from my previous marriage so I have to make sure our home is in order and there is food LOL, so to have him have natural consequences for example there not being food is not an option. Just a quick note to let you know that reading your material (every bit of it) and then putting it into practice has changed my marriage. I have not heard anyone talk about sex on this website. That kind of thinking can unfortunately get people, and especially children hurt. I heard her talk to him one time and knew he was suffering with a monster too. Im burned out on his verbal abuse and lack of accountability, blaming me for his frustrations with how I want things at my house..which it IS, and hes lazy too. It is always me. You told me you didnt have the money to buy her anything. 17) You accused me time and time again of cheating on you. 1. 21) You watched me doing side work to meet ends meat, while asking me for more money and letting me pay for 90% of the groceries and other things. I would really appreciate any input. I really think that Kim & Steves ebooks Back From The Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbooks would benefit you, even with the separation. Thankfully I know that he didnt reject me because of who I am but discarded me because of who he is! !He shows no remorse,money is his God'(he grew up very poor)I undestand that and that it wasnt his fault.He is very verbally and emotionally abusive,to the point that I cant describe the hurt and humiliation.What u r saying Kim abt bringing a third party in wld make him laugh.He has called the police on me and turned the whole issue around so I got no help there.Ive been to counselling,healing all on my own cos he refuses to go cos theres nothing wrong with him.He is very,very crude and says as a married man he has his rights and if a wife dsnt have sex(never make love)with her husband he has to go looking elsewhere for it.He cuts me to the quick with his slander,always belittling me and constantly puts me down.He referss to me in company as the thing or the wife.I know pple think and look at me like Im crazy and its becoming embarrasing to tell them cos its like going around in circles.Also,he is such a nice guy,pple think he is wonderful and I am looked at as the miserable bitch(excuse the language)that he puts up with.Sadly he has been my one and only love.PPle say leave him and move onbut,move on to whatat my age and stage in life it isnt easy.And yes I love him and do know there is so much good in him. I feel it is within my rights to decide that it might be better to live apart so he cant constantly rely on me to make sure there is food in the house and such. I dont know how to get passed this hurdle, but I am willing to try because deep down, I believe he is a good man. They have been so helpful! It appears they are in total denial of their behaviour. Or just the other day, he said he got a call from Monica, a cheque bounced. You have an amazing insight and Gods wisdom! In the case of a one off event I believe that yes the person should be held accountable preferably by a court of law. Do you think thats possible? I constantly remind myself of this. In an article, "How Narcissistic Parenting Affects Children," Karyl McBride, Ph.D lists the following as just a few potential effects: The child won't feel heard or seen. When he recently visited while I was putting bubs to sleep (after a month of serious sleep deprivation which Id been trying to pull some consideration or support from him with)he goes to sleep as soon as he arrives as hes had such a hard day.every day is hard in his world, he does to his credit go over the top. He couldnt be held accountable for what I was feeling, he had done nothing negative. Well I wanted to update. For all this time I have been working on myself, attending classes through the church (designed for couples, but they are letting me go by myself)and I (unlike him) remember the good timeshe COULD be really, really sweetand my soul still loves him (its the only way I know how to describe it as it takes me out of the very human/ego part of me that is pissed as hell at the childish, immoral behavior)..it also lets me not put the blame on myself (which I bought into, and still do some days, like today). Pay attention to what your partner does more than what he or . I told him what I did and said it was better that way, that way we can avoid him being the middle man since I do all the banking anyways and it wouldnt cause a problem for him or us in the future with an argument over the ph cause of a misunderstanding and he got soooo mad telling me again how I dont know how hard some of his days are blah blah and thats when I said, I am NOT your punching bagyou wanna rag on someonerag on the person who first called you at a bad time NOT me.