He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. 3. I keep praying to be taken God, Its ok, I will not be mad, I will be happy that I can finally not be so very unhappy. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. He died in his sleep. If a child receives Survivors benefits, he or she can get up to 75 percent of the deceased parent's basic Social Security benefit. together. She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. Much love everyone. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. love you. I think of her every day and night. Holly. Date Calculators. I dont agree with suicide and ending ones life, I at least understand why I did what I did. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. -R, I feel so sad reading your story. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. It changes. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. I feel badly about all the people who are still grieving as much as I am. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet, O my, thankyou. They would want us to go on!! Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. I can talk about her normally without crying and the quiet and loneliness is deafening. We all know that with life there is death. Missing You: 22 Honest Quotes About Grief - Online Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. "How are you doing?". There seems no point although I try to pray. Praying for us all. I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. I dont have no desire to date. But it doesnt oh yes maybe the tears dont flow as much. It's been two years since you're . To Everyone, I feel your pain. 9 Ways to Honor a Loved One Who Has Passed | CaringBridge What your going thru. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. Oh precious fellow travellers. We are not supposed to understand. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. Feel your feelings, cry when you need to. We had no idea-didnt see the signs and Drs did not find things or look in right places. It was he and I for 37 years. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. Lewis, 23 years old at the time, was the youngest "Big Six" leader to address the thousands-strong demonstration. its really not any easier especially here at the holidays. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. and hope that tomorrow will be kinder to us! My other children are adults but they thought they lost their mom along with their brother because I was not there emotionally. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life. It has not. I too want it to end. I dont understand why! How could you do this to me? ENSRD. wow. I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. Then, I felt nothing. Im only having the most difficult time at night once our boys go to bed. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. I took care of her. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. Like Wendy D. and LB, my mom was my best friend and my constant companion (I cared for during a progressive illness that lasted several years). I lost my husband 20 months ago. Of a UTI infection. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can push myself to get past this hurdle. that is life. Crying every day is my normal now. Ill know when the time is right. For example, if DATEDIF (DATE (1969,7,16),DATE (1969,7,24),"D") returns 1/4/1900, the Date . We had met and dated only three months before we were married. to be strong for them, but some days That actually happened a few times 2 of which seemed very real. Grieving takes as long as it takes, dont set expectations, just let happen. Lost my beautiful soul mate two years and four months ago.Debilitating Brain tumours which had metastasised from Melanoma. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. Time and Date Duration - Calculate duration, with both date and time included. We were married 23 years. I cant begin to describe how heartbroken I am and the second year is the toughest. Mike was my power house. Sending love and hugs to you all put there. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. Its been little over seven months. He never opened his eyes. I finally went to the ER and ask what had happened, I was told that they were trying to helped him and the nurse asked me if there was anything happening or saw something on him the day before, I said nothing but our daily routine, then the ambulance came but left after a few minutes and I was told the ambulance was clean, I asked her what do you mean by clean? But they still flow and the empty lonely feeling is so much worse. Why Your Dog's Death May Be The Most Difficult Event Of Your Life Dont do holidays any more to sad nothing will ever be the same I talk to her always we use to go to vacation to ocean city Maryland thats where she wants her ashes spread that will be a tough day Im stuck in this sad lonly stall. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. Now year two is truly confusing. He did have some medical issues but he pulled through all of them and then suddenly passed. Im more insular now and dad wouldnt want that I know but Ive slways been a bit one bitten twice shy. He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. I remember the 1st year being a blur. There is always an emptyness in my heart. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! There is nobody you can really share the loss with, because the only other person with an equal stake in your life has gone along with all your plans and dreams. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. I can totally understand these feelings. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. Take each day at a time, pray and thank God for the time he gave you with her. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. It's been 3 months since my husband passed. Honey I dont want to do this anymore. 5th Nov 2017 was the most horrible night when we were called to the hospital and she was just lying there unconscious. Year one: dont even remember. But you learn that youll survive them. Its only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. I think about her every single day. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. That hurts. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. The day before my birthday. How do I move on. I dont know whether to clarify dads gf is wrong or just to hold her. all the time.God bless you. I was with my husband for 45 years of my life. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. I am a very strong person, but I longed for information and stories from other widows. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. They say it will get easier, man I hope it does. I am into year #2 . I dont want it to be something that just passes. Many days its a struggle to just get out of bed. It was a privilege to have caught a cracking beautiful ladys eye. I lost my grandfather who I was very close with. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. He isnt hero, my best friend, and the man I wish I could be more like. Yes Tania. Its hard but we humans keep going. My fathers started dating someone who slanders her and her opinion of me, and even though I know shes wrong and never met her it hurts so badly. We are devastated. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. Cashing Stimulus Checks Sent to Deceased Persons - AARP The good lord is caring me through this nightmare. It is hard for my Ex to deal with me sometimes because of how much she sees how much i Love my wife and wishing she was her, and how special days makes my grief pick up. The good news is you're the pilot." -". I always wonder if this normal. Please stay strong and know that youre not alone. cindy your right when i lost my 7 year old son his brother who was 2 years older (my oldest son) totally changed as my sons death was unexpected its been 19 years since he died and his brother never got over it and was diagnosed with personality disorder 4 year ago they said it was brought on by the traumatic loss of his brother,for me the 19th year is just the same as the first year and 2nd and 3rd etc,i was told it would get easier but everyones different i guess because my heart is still breaking and tears still flowing. 6. It seams harder now than the first year.I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions.I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no (one can understand that),this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better? I feel like time has stopped as I am in a complete never ending story of several emotions at one time. I dont know exactly. Grief is Grief. I am integrating my old life with my new life. Talk about him, laugh about him. We are more aware of those around us and of what we no longer have like pouring salt into an open wound. I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. Hi, its going to be 2 years in March 2020. He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain. I feel guilty for not knowing he has passed for 2 days while I was away at college and Id do anything to see him again. I just cant see me with anyone else. Blessings to you all and I pray that your suffering is eased a little each day and replaced with memories and blessings of joy. I feel your pain .. I believe this is true. why 5 months later, Im still stunned and grieving! My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. I dont dream or have visions that bring me peace. I go out to the cemetery every day, sometimes for hours at a time. I try to do things volunteering etc.but I feel numb to everything. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. Anyway, I had strep throat one winter. We fought about it all the time and would say nasty things to each other among the lies etc. Ive lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. what I had with Glenna. I lost my French wife nearly the same condition. Am I alone feeling like this? . God bless you all. I know thats not possible and I told myself early on that my life had changed forever and I am still trying to get used to the new normal That doesnt stop the pain, though! He was 64. To have some exchange to feel better or to go forward. I didnt get to tell him while looking into his eyes that I loved him so much and him the same with me I wish I could hear him say to me just one more time how much he loved me so. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. My head seems out of sorts most days and I just dont know how to pull ahead. If the death were sudden to an otherwise healthy person, would be more traumatizing than an expected loss, such as a long, drawn-out chronic illness like Alzheimers disease: One actually starts grieving as function deteriorates. I cant escape it. Sudden death is what they called it, his kind and gentle heart just stopped beating. Holly, It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. Checked in I mean she depended on me 100% for feeding, hygiene, toileting. Remember That You Are Not Alone in Your Grief. I think of that all the time, when I feel like I cant go on. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. Im coming up on 2 years in April. Four months after her death my 32 year old nephew died of a drug over dose. I am so blessed to have found these resources and may they also provide some comfort to you. He was everyone friend including enemies. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. It's been one month since my Mom has passed from her stage IV Lung Cancer. I miss her so bad. Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. I Lost My Mom 12 Years Ago. And No, I'll Never 'Get Over' It I look up at the sky and think of my husband all the time. And I think of him everyday . Although we got to say our good byes. Reading others comments soothes me some and I thank you all. I know she feels depressed. Marriage 16 mo ago. 2 and half months without seeing her smile and hearing her voice pains me a lot and now the thought of not growing up with her kills me 1 minute at a time. I just come home and enjoy the dogs and just survive the day. It is different now, but not easier. Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. And especially to those whove lost a spouse, Im so sorry you are in this rotten club with me the one nobody wants to join. After I took him off life support. the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, its empty. My everything. We also experience anticipatory grief, or the feelings of grief while our pet is still living, but we are aware of an . I still feel completely ruined. I believe this because of my faith. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. He was my rock. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. Looking for an answer. I used to wake to a tear soaked pillow but that hasnt happened in a while. Still no cause has been found. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. We dont fit into our regular lives anymore. I am conflicted as I proceed. Am I going nuts, or do others feel this way at times also. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. I miss him everyday and yes I am like the rest of everyone above the second year does seem worse. I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness. Dont understand it ? People who have not been through the sudden death of a spouse have no idea. Its been 16 months since my husband of 51 years died. Arriving on Bainbridge Island is the opposite of arriving in Seattle. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. Dear Kim; I know exactly how you feel, and what youre going through I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, the anniversary of his passing is coming up next week :,( as time passes by it has not become easier for me, I still have terrible meltdowns, and I too hide my pain from my grown-up children, friends, family and co-workers, I dont want them to worry about me or feel sorry for me. the worst thing I did, was telling a 7 years old his dad wont be coming home, I heard the loudest screamed in my life, the screamed saying get my dad back ,I want him home. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. I have to keep tip toeing forward. Why did he have to be taken away from me? Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. I lost my husband, my best friend in 2016. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited.