The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. It was a love marriage. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Current Psychology. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Dealing with your partner's baggage. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality, being a stepparent is out of this world hard. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. They also threatened her with divorce. She had only one daughter. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Then there are the kids. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Polygamy.com. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. However, several limitations exist. The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. Lateron, both married. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. What Is Marriage Coaching? Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Eleven women participated in the study. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Khattak AK. Invest in the future today. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. 2010;57(1): 121-127. She told she was also present during the delivery. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . 2. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Christmas and having the whole family there together. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. The world is their oyster. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. Published: Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. 'I don't care about anything. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. Social Change. 1. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". His family says it was unaware of any "second. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. He says he isnt much of a speaker. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. Ibn Qudamah writes: The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research.