I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 23. 90. 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) I see food, and I eat it. Im describing you. My body deserves love. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Jonathan lockwood huie. 264. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 8. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 24. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Microchips. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). 3. When nothing is going right, go left. 31. 142. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 3. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 42. I breathe in and out. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 245. 9. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 1. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. A wishbone. Yeah, so is a grenade. 134. 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure Funny Affirmation - Etsy As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 169. 7. I never apologize. 175. East I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 268. I always find something funny in every situation. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Be careful when you follow the masses. 232. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 94. Franklin Jones, 259. Rome wasnt built in a day. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Cindy from Marzahn. 178. 1. With a cowculator. I can always be fatter. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. I am lazy till I get a motive. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 171. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 98. Look, youre smiling! Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 54. 82. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. I thought you said extra fries. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Yeah, so is a grenade. Steven Wright 105. 43. 21. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. George Burns, 253. - Irish Saying. 182. 119. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 172. 191. I am full of vitality. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I did not trip and fall. 46. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Nothing, they just waved. 206. 28. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 78. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 254. 26. 72. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. 24. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Billy Wilder. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 85. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 107. Hes dreaming too. I dont suffer from insanity. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 110 Positive Funny Affirmations To Make You Smile Daily - The Random Vibez 81. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. My mistakes dont define me. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Today I was a hero. 23. Your email address will not be published. Milton Berle, 245. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. So far, so good. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 9. And a funny bone. 138. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. Roy Lichtenstein Be Funny Positive Affirmations 143. I tried, but they wanted cash. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Theres no stopping me now. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 255. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Superwoman: single. 14. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. In between, I am alive., 7. 153. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 6. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. 28. They log in. Youre talking to yourself. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 20. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 277. 227. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Ive been doing nothing for years. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Erma Bombeck Education cost money. 55. Its scary when it disappears. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 57. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 96. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I see food, and I eat it. Because they make up everything. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 267. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Flip Wilson A mind is like a parachute. 231. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 225. 2. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 147. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. 52. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! You were too lazy to read that number. Theres no stopping me now. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. I am grateful for all that I have. With a cowculator. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 266. In the morning, I cant get up. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] I am strong and getting stronger every day. My cankles will hold me. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. 250. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 184. 219. I understand success cant happen overnight. 2. 152. Because they make up everything. Keep your affirmations in the present. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 235. 24. 146. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. I did not trip and fall. 72. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 58. When life closes a door, just open it again. 30. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. It will warm you twice unknown. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. - Bob Hope. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 163. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. 122. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember 183. 115. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Why did the school kids eat their homework? If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? What do I do for a living? 128. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 19. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Funny positive affirmations do work. 111. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 135. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 114. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Alison Boulter -Katrina Bowden. 10. 230. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 244. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 208. The only power you have is the word no. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. Short Funny Affirmations. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 176. They planet. Steve Martin, 254. 195. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. I honor that time. 192. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? But you can always be immature. I am grateful for that time. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 39. 188. 4. Really? 200. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 276. 219. 3. Emphasis on the cool. Sincerely, yourself. Can February march? Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 40. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. 132. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Flip Wilson, 263. 81. 278. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. It takes so little to change your life! Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 44. 56. Raimonda.B. happy. 6. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. -Gandhi. 33. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 104. "Today will be a great day". 29. Required fields are marked *. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. 76. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. I am lazy till I get a motive. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 4. Socrates. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 120. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Cindy from Marzahn 204. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 4. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 234. Robert Bloch. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Rodney Dangerfield. 115. 6. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Not everyone has good taste., 3. But it'll move up again.". If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 45. And a funny bone., 10. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. I thought you said extra fries. Build a bridge. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. Learn sign language, its very handy. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Today, I am thankful for this week. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 232. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 91. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood 161. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 201. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I feel great. 53. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 27. 86. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. I just go normal from time to time. 125. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 167. I believe in what's possible for me. 238. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 207. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 57. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 170. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 124. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 1. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F.